I did a DIY ice cream tour on the Lower East Side last week with a few people, in which we stuffed our faces with 6 different ice cream creations and then ended up at RPM bar for a bloated shuffleboard contest.

Two of my tour guests were some of my favorite people in the world, but are actually the meanest and most sarcastic people you’ll ever meet. So naturally, I had to invite them and then make them write about their take on the whole event. Also, they complained that they hadn’t had any space to write on my blog since Scott’s corner.

Below you’ll see my positively optimistic outlook on the ice cream tour, the delicious flavors and the seamless commute from one to the other. This will be mixed with my BFF Lauren’s unnecessarily raunchy and crotchety take, and my BF Scott’s idiotic ***hole remarks. It’s really well-rounded. Beware the bitchiness.

Eggloo

Warm Hong Kong Style egg waffles with ice cream and ALL the toppings you want. Yep, I went crazy with whipped cream, strawberries, cookies and mochi over green tea ice cream and pocky sticks. To me, this was a fabulous mid-day snack; filling, delicious and fun. Thanks Eggloo for the complimentary taste!

Lauren’s rantings: Why am I putting an edible cone inside a paper cone? A cone should be able to hold the ice cream by itself. This place made me as angry as the time I took my ex to a thai place so he could try pad thai for the first time and then he refused to try it. I broke up with him right then and there and I’m breaking up with Eggloo right here and now.

Taiyaki

I wasn’t so sure about this one. Could a cute fish with its mouth stuffed with soft serve really be that good? THE ANSWER IS YES. This gorgeous soft waffle cone is actually filled with red bean paste, and topped with light green tea and black sesame soft serve. The flavors went super well together, and I think this is my new favorite place.

Lauren’s musings: This place was exciting. I didn’t want to like it as much as I did, like when someone makes out with your ear and at first you’re just hoping they aren’t getting a mouth full of wax but then immediately you stop caring because fuck it’s good.

Davey’s Ice Cream

We went to the location inside the new Canal Street Market. So nice in there by the way…BUT I DIGRESS. Davey’s was there, flaunting its fancy flavors. I had a panic moment and ordered green tea ice cream…again. Yeah, I had a lot of green tea that day. But I also ordered a scoop of Thai Iced Tea Ice Cream. SO GOOD. I’ve never had a flavor like that before. Davey’s has that classic ice cream texture, with some super hipster and fun flavors.

Scott’s idiotic corner: Full disclosure, my brain was 100% occupied by the burrito joint I scoped out on the way to this place. I don’t remember what this tasted like because the only bite a took was in-between slamming said burrito into my face as quickly as possible. I think the ice cream was orange?

-BURRITO BREAK-

Yeah so Scott stopped for a Korean style burrito at OPPA in the Canal Street Market. It wasn’t ice cream but it was AMAZEEEE.

Scott’s not-so idiotic corner: This isn’t the review Mary wanted, but it’s absolutely the one I needed.  Highlight of the day bar none. Mary tried her best to contain my free spirit, but I broke free of her bullshit ice cream tour and purchased a Korean style burrito. Let me tell you, this fucking burrito was great.  If you’re taking Mary’s recommendations seriously and going to get ice cream at one of these places, just cancel your plans and go here. #ScottinManhattan

-BACK TO THE TOUR, THEN-

Milk & Cream Cereal Bar

I WAS MESMERIZED. This place is beautiful like an Instagram. It even says, “Treat Yoself” in giant neon letters. But back to the food – it is a cereal themed ice cream place with all the cereal you were never allowed to eat as a child. I got the Cookie Crisp Carnival. TAKE THAT, MOM. The ice cream was soft and filled with just the right amount of chunky surprises.

Lauren’s epiphany: I hated everything about the interior. It was like a basic bitch’s wet dream. Also, this place angered me conceptually. I don’t like cereal and how dare they try and turn it into ice cream. Unfortunately, it was delicious. This is like banging a frat bro. You hate yourself for doing it, but on rare occasions boy do they know what they’re doing.

10 Below

This place is like dinner and a show. Except it’s ice cream and a show. The show is a super cool ice-cream making performance where they spill cream on top of a cold plate and it freezes as they mix all the toppings inside of it. Then, it’s rolled into six little round things and shoved into a bowl. I got the S’mores Galore with graham cracker, chocolate and a toasted marshmallow on top. I think the show is the best part, but the ice cream was good too. Lauren and Scott don’t get to comment here because they went outside and didn’t watch with me. Thanks 10 Below for the complimentary bowl!

Soft Swerve

Last but not least, we ventured to Soft Swerve. The hit new soft serve in town with Ube-flavored ice cream. Yes, you can top it with fruity pebbles if you’d like (I did it cause I CAN NOW, MOM). The ice cream was superb. Super creamy, and the flavor is like a light nutty vanilla but better than vanilla, cause who even likes vanilla?

Last words from my “friends” who are trying to sabotage me:

Scott: Don’t let Manhattan’s sweetheart fool you – this is a full-on continuity error. We got this cone a full week earlier during a day drinking event, but let’s cut to the chase: I was drunk on moonshine when I had this cone. Compared to that, this purple thing was great. Highly recommend it.   

Lauren: I never went here, but I wish I did. It’s like when I picture myself with Colin Jost late at night. But then I wake up to the cold, harsh reality that he’s with Scarlet Johansson now. Even if he did say hi to me twice the other week.

They are a handful, am I right? Anyway, I did my best to ignore them throughout the tour and have my own fun taking pics of these beautiful ice cream creations. Try the tour yourself sometime!